Finding My Way Back To Water

Anyone who knows me knows I love the water. I’ve been told that as a toddler, we visited the Jersey Shore one October and they couldn’t stop me from crawling toward the waves. They’d set me down, and I’d scramble through the sand straight back to the sea. If you asked me to share my favorite childhood memories, nearly all of them would involve the water — a diving board, a fish, a boat, or a stream.

I recently found a collection of papers my mother saved from my first-grade days. Page after page was filled with drawings of boats, whales, fish, waves, diving boards, and kids swimming. It was almost comical to see my obsession laid out so plainly. Reviewing those papers was undeniable proof that the love I have for the water has always been there. And yet, somewhere along the way, I left that love behind.

I was a decent swimmer, but in high school I didn’t try out for the swim team; against my instincts, I wrestled instead. Even though my favorite classes were earth science and biology, I applied to a college that offered no biology courses and chose to study business management. After graduation, I entered the Army.

During my military service, I didn’t fish once and hardly ever went swimming. I wasn’t happy for much of that time, and while there were many reasons, I now know that part of it was that I was unintentionally ignoring a core part of myself — my passion for the water and the activities that connect me to it, especially fly fishing.

When I left the military, the first thing I bought was a rod and reel. I didn’t catch a thing in the beginning, but it marked the start of a long journey back to feeling like myself again. Anytime I’m out on the water now, I’m reconnecting with the person I’ve always been. I truly believe that the more time we devote to these parts of ourselves, the better we become.

While it’s almost impossible for me to accept, I’ve come to understand that not everyone feels the same spark of joy that I do from the rod and reel — but we all have something. So as we enter another New Year, especially one that’s already off to a wild start, I encourage anyone reading this: remember who you really are. Find your way back to that person if you can.  It’s worth it.